the activist: So, you like being called Mr. Market, huh?
Mr. Market: Yeah. The boys on Wall Street bought me one of those satin sashes with my name on it to drape across my chest, which was nice at first, but then it started to chafe.
a: So Mr. Market what do you know?
MM: Not much of anything really.
a: How big is your penis?
MM: To answer that question you must ask how big is the sky.
a: so, I see you have a bottle of Jack Daniels there.
MM: I can quit anytime I want.
a: Is your drinking related to your unpredictable ups and downs?
MM: No. I can quit anytime I want.
a: So you just randomly decide whether or not youre in a bear or bull mood?
MM: Not exactly.
a: What do you mean?
MM: Its Cricket, man. I just love her.
a: You mean that British sport with bats?
MM: No!! Cricket Blair on The Young and the Restless. Shes such a breathtaking vision of femininity. That blond hair, those eyes, that lightly tanned skin. I just, I want to, oh man, I just want to....ooh look, the markets goin up!
a: Could you keep that to yourself?
MM: Hey, if its determining the Dow Jones, why not let you know about it?
a: The stock market is an index of your sex drive?
MM: That whole internet stock rise was from that sex scene with Danny in December. But its more than just sex. I love Cricket, but its really the whole show. For instance, I fucking hate Michael Damian, and when he started being so popular, well, that was Black Monday right there. BAM! Lost 508 points in one day.
a: But its all just your reaction to The Young and the Restless?
MM: Yeah, pretty much, although Im getting into Felicity too. And sometimes if I take a really good shit.....
a: What do you want to do when you stop being "Mr. Market?"
MM: Im planning on going to cosmetology school if I can get a scholarship. Alan Greenspan said hed give me a recommendation after I did a really good job on his mascara.